Confessions of a Provocateur
By ZXaviar420
First time contributor here. Just
wanted to relay my firsthand experience working with the “S”
group, provocateurs, resistance, “black gloves” (in the know
people need no explanation).
I was writing app code for a couple of
slacker types who owned a little code house run out of their little
apartment and primarily from a couch. It was an easy gig.
Everything was chill and laid back and
like lots of us millennials, the owners didn’t stick to any game
plan or schedule. Instead, everything was seat of the pants.
Schedules were barely kept and budgets routinely blown (primarily on
Red Bull and Californian “bud”). Predictably the little start up
that could, couldn’t, and things dived.
By June 2016, I received my pink slip
and a thank you card and I found myself back in my parent’s
basement. They weren’t shocked. Shit, I was 28 and had been an on
and off non-paying resident since dropping out of college.
Like most of my generation, when not
working, I spent time playing video games (I’m hooked on Final
Fantasy, but I like my old skool (Madden)). I ate Taco Bell, drank
Mountain Dew, read graphic novels, kept up with my friends on my
social media.
I should say here that I have never
written a resume. My way of finding paying gigs is by word of mouth.
My skill sets are “Python” and I can skate.
It’s here where I should admit that I
am not much politically active. I do lean left, I guess, because
mostly of the LGTB or LGBT (I always fuck that up) gay thing with the
bathroom rights. I also “partake” and so I’m concerned about
legalizing weed. I love getting stoned and if you want to suck dick,
I don’t care. I definitely wasn’t reading Marx or jacking to Rosa
Luxembourg. Shit, I haven’t even voted yet in any election. Never
cared.
But I found myself low on cash and
getting close to having to make an effort. I wasn’t dope on that at
all. I started putting out feelers to all my slacker friends. I
didn’t provide much. Just, I know Python and I could test games or
if they knew of anyone who had a rent-free apartment.
I got the usual suggestions, working
for an uncle doing some labor in the blistering sun, washing dishes,
driving trucks (but I had to pass a piss test), Uber or Lyft (I ride
a scooter in town, 49 cc), or working in fast food. All that wasn’t
going to work. I needed something easy, fun.
Then my more politically active friend
Tyler sent me an email. Tyler was a Hillary supporter, but only
because Sanders had bailed from the race and now it was Hillary and
Trump. He asked me if I wanted fast, easy, cash with barely any real
thinking involved. I could get travel pay too as well if things
worked out.
He said my political affiliation meant
nothing, but that I would have to only do what I was told. Also, he
said in an email I got at 2:30 in the morning, I had to remain
silent, guarantee anonymity, and if everything went right, I would
have made almost $20,000 in one year.
I said yes. I asked what did I have to
do.
Tyler met me at Starbucks where he
sipped his café mocha and I twirled a straw between my fingers,
stoned and with the munchies.
“Ok, here is how it works” he said.
I got the whole spiel. Where to meet
the buses when we were out of town, the do’s and don’t’s, what
to wear, what to do if caught by the police, all kinds of little
things. I was advised if I really wanted the gig to come to the “S”
meeting.
I asked what “S” stood for. Tyler
looked around, leaned in and whispered “Soros, motherfucker”.
I had no idea what a Soros was.
Then came the caveats, I could get
arrested. I could get beat up by either the cops or the Trumpchumps.
Some Trumperazoids were known to grab people by the balls and twist
them until blood came out of your pants. Some of them ripped off
ears, and there was a story about an actual anal sodomization. I
thought it was all bullshit. I wanted the money.
Tyler reached into his front shirt
pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. All it said was :
In State: Peaceful : $10 per authorized
protest hour,
Rowdy : $15 per hour
Rioter: $100 per hour, bond and bail
N/C. including court costs
Out of State: Negotiable up to $1000
per day.
He explained that I had to sign some
legal stuff that was to protect the organization. I was told that
they would bail on me and leave me stranded if I exposed them. They
also said there would be plenty of weed and that lots “arty type”
horny girls would be there and most of them were easy pickings.
As of today, I’ve made over $14,000.
I did get my balls twisted by the way. I was by some overweight old
guy who was wearing Veterans of Vietnam baseball cap and a t-shirt
demanding we put the “Pig Clinton in Her Pen”. I distinctly
remember I was being escorted from a Trump rally, the place was a
erupting with threats, Trump was yelling “Get rid of them, throw
them out”, I was being dragged out by security and people were
screaming, cursing me, and just as I was getting to near the exit
door, this old guy reaches down and grabs my nuts and starts twisting
violently. I was seeing lights and different colors as the pain shot
up to the back of my head like a lightning bolt.
I remember him snarling and looking
right at me. He was the same age as my pa-pa, and he looked like the
guy you would help with his groceries or say “thank you for your
service “ as he walked by. He was growling and his teeth, the
obvious caps, and spittle was plain to see.
I looked, tears coming out of my eyes
as he screamed “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!”.
Luckily, I was tossed from the civic
center before my balls were ruptured. I limped into an alley and
checked my self. My nads were blue as fuck and my dick had a
fingernail mark in it. I wasn’t able to pee too well for a few
hours, and I was in a nagging thudding pain for a few days, but
everything turned out ok. My junk looks like it never happened, thank
god.
So, yeah, there are real risks. And
this ball twisting thing these Trumpheads like to do is mind
boggling. I still don’t get it. But, the money is good and you
don’t have to report income to the feds. Apparently, this “S”
group has worked something out with IRS.
